The Cult of Global Warming and the Temple of Speed

Golbal warming is a lie. Now let me elaborate. The carbon in fossil fuels came from living things. That carbon was once in the carbon cycle. Life was fine. We have precise data going back 650,000 years or so. The carbon in the most recent oil deposits was trapped 65 million years ago. But we have evidence that there was life.

Evolution kills. It's not just a t-shirt slogan, it's a fact. People weep over each species that goes extinct, and although each of those species is irreplacable, another will take its place. If it's niche is destroyed, then nothing will fill the space beacuse there is no space. Having the planet warm a few degrees will not be the end of the world. It has happened before. We know it has, because ALL of that carbon was once in the atmosphere and in plants, and we have "evidence" that CO2 on its own causes heating. Life thrived. There's a 12 foot long dragonfly hanging from the ceiling of the museum to prove it.

I put "evidence" in quotes because that assumption could just as easily be ass-backward. Higher temperatures cause more plant growth and more plant decay, as well as greater and faster decay of animals, which all release CO2. The shirt doesn't match because it's ugly, or it's ugly because it doesn't match? You be the judge. Either way, you're not going out in that, are you?

The plantet will warm if we reintroduce this carbon into the atmosphere. The different heating pattern will cause climate change. Dry spots become wet. Wet spots become dry. Dry spots stay dry, wet spots stay wet. The system will be different, and it will put a strain on local affairs on scale to dwarf the dust bowl. Indivisual people will be screwed. The human species will either adapt, or nuke ourselves. On the global scale, farmland will have moved, but the crops will still be able to get anywhere. Who knew I'd ever argue for globalization, eh?

Let's talk about "alternative" fuels. Or solar energy, or wind. Covering eastern Colorado with wind turbines like they're corn will rob the wind of its energy, and mean no storms in Kansas. Yay, no tornadoes, right? Wrong. No rain. Climate altered on a scale so complete and ruinous that all the carbon dioxide in the world cannot compete with. Your energy has to come from somewhere, you know.

What about putting solar power all over? That means less heat warming the planet and fueling life, instead fueling its destruction. Try removing one third of the heat in the room you're in right now. Fucking freezing, isn't it? We'll have changed the climate near each solar farm more comprehensively than CO2 ever could.

Hydrogen. That's dumb. That's really the best way to describe a substance that requires massive amounts of electricity (from one of the methods above, most likely), and burns to produce a more efficient greenhouse gas than CO2. There's a reason why the tempuraute drops twenty degrees less on a cloudy night than a clear one. You guessed it, the thing keeping your tomatoes from freezing is the greenhouse effect. Hydrogen power will give us one or more of the problems listed above, and STILL not fix our so-called greenhouse gas problem.

Corn ethanol. We've been through this. Turning your food into food for your self-righteous little Civic is a road to starvation, for the both of you. We need to distill fuels from what is currently pure waste, and is burned or allowed to decompose. Wood alcohol is the way to go. Fermenting and distilling the corn stalks instead of the corn ears is the way to go. Hell, your grass clippings could power your truck for a while.

When we use wood methanol and waste-material ethanol to power our vehicles, we can emit as much carbon dioxide as we bloody well please and not change the climate one iota (aside from urban smog from still air), since all of that carbon dioxide will have just come from the carbon cycle itself. We'll be feeding life.

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The real issue threatening our livelihoods today is the end of "cheap" oil. By cheap, I really do mean $120, $130 a barrel. As oil gets more and more expensive, it will put more and more of a strain on our system until it snaps. That may come in the form of a massive recession, it may come in the form of a world war, and it may do both. Then, life as we know it will be forever changed. Ever seen Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior? That'll be a damn documentary if we keep going like we are. I personally support effecive United States military presence in the Middle East. I'll elaborate on that later. But suffice it to say, I believe in securing our fuel. End of story.

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Carmakers: Especially Detroit, you need to get it through your thick skulls that you need to increase your vehicles' power:cubic inches:weight ratio. Yes, that's a three part ratio. Hotrodders have known it for longer than you board members have been alive. The real way to meet American demands for power is to improve that ratio. Gas milage will be improved, trust me. It'll be a side effect of being able to get the same performance numbers out of less gas, less volume. The Europeans know what's up. They've heard the gospel of Economy. They could do better, but the're willing to make concerted efforts to improve their numbers, rather than make excuses for laziness.

I'll admit, I worship at the temple of Horsepower and Speed. I want it, I want to channel it, I want to express it better, I want to have it at my beck and call, and I know I'm not the only one. What Sunday services mean to us is getting back from church and watching stock car racing. It's taping IRL racing while singing hymns. It's bench racing (and maybe some real runs) before sitting down to fried chicken. I'll drive a damn small-block tank of a car for two years after gas cost me $20 a gallon. But I'll be smart about it. Drive properly. Use alternative combustion fuels. Squeeze every last drop of power out of every last drop of fuel come hell or high water. I'll get 150 miles to the gallon on vintage Springfield iron before the carmakers pull their thumbs out of their asses and get innovating.

Can you say DOHC eight valve V-twin? Bring on the failures until it works. S&S could do it. They're probably working on it. In the meantime, how about it? I know there's enough talent in this country to pull it off? A true American sportbike.